Here’s what I did. I pushed away the one person who makes me happy.
Yes, I have been feeling incomplete and depressed about the way my life seemed stuck and I have been walking on eggshells to not hurt others and hurting to learn that my feelings don’t matter as much as those of others… but, that’s what my whole life has been until now.
I am used to avoiding confrontation and bottling up my hurt to avoid being alone, so I have no idea where last night’s bravado came from when I finally decided to say that this relationship isn’t working.
How stupid am I! I managed to throw away the only high point in my life just so I could feel some self-worth again. The irony is that my self-worth is so tangled up in this one relationship that now I have neither.
I have this dried up rose in front of me on my desk and it was perfectly healthy last night. That’s my metaphor.