When you love someone, your life tends to revolve around that one person. Everything else becomes secondary… He is always first on your mind.
His words can cut you or heal you. The cuts run deep, and no amount of soothing would dull the pain. Sometimes, a tiff over a silly thing can cause unbearable hurt. One phone call is all it takes, at times, to destroy a beautiful world carefully dreamt up.
They may have been castles built in the sand… tiny waves licking at their foundations are enough to erode them. What hurts is when you have given your all to guard the castle from the waves… the castle still stands tall… a lovely dream, a hope of life… but, inside, there is no longer the love you had wanted to protect.
They say tears wash away the pain and hurt after a while. That’s all just philosophical bull-shit. Tears choke you, drench your pillow and keep flowing (makes you wonder where the endless supply comes from)… they flow on and give you a bad cold… but the hurt doesn’t go away. If I were to write this post on a piece of paper it would be drenched… I am thankful to digital technology… my keyboard, though, isn’t too happy about being soaked. I wish these tears would stop. I wish the pain would end. Yesterday, someone told me to end it… but, jumping out of the window did not appeal to me… even though, despite his contrary claims, I value his opinion the most when I want to do something.
A web banner… wouldn’t really count for anything, no value at all to anyone… but, it was a work of love (In this digital world, even love is sometimes in bits n bytes). First accept it and put it up… then pull it down. A simple gesture spurned by anger… a dagger plunged deep in my heart and twisted for effect.
Torn and crushed and cut open… my heart still loves you (though it could never convince you) and misses you.
© Surya Murali