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Happily Single?

All these years I haven’t ever thought about the kind of person I would want to share my life with… if it ever needs sharing. In my view – which is contrary to popular belief – it is not just fun being a single woman, it is also quite relaxing and philosophically enriching an experience.

Societies around the world may frown upon the idea of a woman being a spinster. India is much more tolerant about a woman’s marital status. Now, before I am torn down by people who go ‘You have no idea what you are talking about… India and tolerant about single women?’… Let me explain.

In India, the general concept is that when a girl becomes a woman… when she comes off age (and sometimes even before that) she is required by her folks to settle down with a suitable guy. This happens all over the country regardless of the financial status, the education levels or the career mindedness of the girl/woman. Now, there are many cases where women opt to be single because they have certain priorities which are way up on their to-do list as opposed to getting married to the right guy (or wrong guy in disguise). In most cases, this seemingly ‘sacrificial’ act or what is considered as a compromise for the better, is applauded by the society. The women who so choose to be single are considered well-meaning and responsible. This is not a generalization… there are exceptions to every rule and so is there to this… mostly in today’s urban India… where, a single woman is considered a threat in more ways than one… by men because they are sometimes intimidated by such women and by married / attached women because they construe single women to be a threat to their secure little, private worlds.

This is quite different to the western idea of a single woman / spinster. There, being single would be frowned upon… for them it means you haven’t been able to snag a man of your own.

Now, coming back to me… have I really opted to be single because of any priorities I need to take care of? The answer is NO. Am I single because I haven’t been good enough to be snapped up in the marriage market (yes… that is what it is… a bloody market)? The answer is still NO.

Do I plan to remain single for the rest of my life? Now, THERE’s a question!

As much as I enjoy living a single life, with a responsibility only to myself, I do not rule out the possibility of settling down if the right man comes along.

That leads to the question… who is a RIGHT man? Frankly, though I used the term before (and often), I believe that there is no such thing as a ‘right’ man. Sometimes, you find a man who fits around your life and whose life you can merge in to without causing a huge disturbance in the force. Thoughts and ideas should match, more importantly there should be a healthy exchange of the same; diametrically opposite people do not gel well together (again… this is not what you have been told… the love formula has always claimed that opposites attract). Well, opposites do attract but they do not stay together.

So, once you have found that man, do you actually rush to legalize the relationship in the eyes of the society? Now, that is food for thought… maybe another day… another post. 🙂

© Surya Murali

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